Stuff the British Stole, for those of you who haven't yet come across it, is a "television documentary series which premiered in 2022", but which has only just arrived on Netflix NZ:
A co-production of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation and the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, the series is hosted by Australian journalist Marc Fennell, and delves into various controversies around historically and culturally significant objects that were taken by the United Kingdom during its colonial era, and have been the subject of demands for their repatriation back to their homelands.I guess the point of view it promulgates could be summed up more or less as follows:
As one respondent on Facebook, where I found this gem, remarked: "A bit tough on the Welsh!"
In other words, everyone hates the English. I think I'm okay with that. In the second episode of the series, concentrating on the evil King Edward the First's brutal theft of the Stone of Destiny from Scotland, I found myself chanting "They can take my life, but they'll never take my freedom!", and even repeating (with tears in my eyes) Braveheart's celebrated account of the Battle of Bannockburn: "They fought like warrior poets; they fought like Scotsmen ..."
So you can see which side of these various controversies I'm likely to espouse. Which is odd, really, as the Australian side of my genealogy leads back to England and the Vale of the White Horse after a couple of generations. It's only the New Zealand side which is so proud of its descent from Gaelic-speaking Mackenzies, Macleans, and Macleods in the Scottish Highlands (as well, of course, as those penny-pinching Rosses of Dingwall).
Be that as it may, I'm happy to report that Marc Fennell embodies the finest traditions of iconoclastic Aussie journalism. He's brash, vulgar, and sniggers at all the wrong moments. If he's a little prone to over-simplify immensely complex issues, one would have to say in his defence that at least he's prepared to drag them out into the harsh light of day for scrutiny.
Take the first episode of his TV show, for instance. It deals with the vexed subject of the Koh-i-noor diamond, the "Mountain of Light." Should it still be sitting in the Tower of London, stuck in the Queen Mom's crown? Probably not. Certainly the circumstances of its acquisition - extorted from a 10 (or possibly 11: opinions differ on that)-year-old child, the Maharaja of the Sikh Empire, Duleep Singh, after the annexation of the Punjab by the British East India Company in 1849 - were a little less than edifying.
Even at the time this was seen as pretty reprehensible, and Queen Victoria herself apparently felt uneasy about being presented with the jewel by the choleric Governor-General of India, Lord Dalhousie. Was it really his to give, she wondered? She didn't give it back, though. But neither did she wear it, at least until the young Duleep Singh, who'd become a favourite at her court, "regifted" it to her, moments after he was allowed to hold it one more time whilst posing for a portrait in 1854.
Among the many complicating aspects of this sorry saga - acknowledged in passing by Marc Fennell, but spelt out in detail in William Dalrymple & Anita Anand's excellent book on the subject - is the fact that the Sikh empire straddled modern-day India and Pakistan, giving both governments a pretext for demanding the jewel back. Then there are the many descendants of Duleep Singh and his relatives, each of whom has a claim.
And then there's the fact that Duleep's father, the so-called "Lion of the Punjab", Ranjit Singh, himself stole (or "acquired forceably", as he might have preferred to put it) the diamond from Shah Shujah, the erstwhile ruler of the Durrani Empire. The Durranis, in their turn, acquired it from the Afsharid dynasty of Iran, who looted it from the Mughal treasury in Delhi during their invasion of India in 1739. Troubled times.
After that it becomes increasingly difficult to distinguish the Koh-i-noor from various other fabled gems in Indian history. It is, however, known to have formed part of the famous Peacock throne of the Mughal emperors.
"Quis?" - to whom? - as Lord Marchmain puts it in Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited, when trying to determine to which of his variously unsatisfactory children he should leave the family estate.
The Sikhs have a claim, the Afghans have a claim, the Iranians have a claim, the descendants of the Mughals have a claim, as do the ancient rulers of Hindustan. Even the God Krishna could be said to have a claim. It all makes for riveting TV, that's for sure.
As a nation, we began by declaring that "all men are created equal." We now practically read it "all men are created equal, except negroes." When the Know-Nothings [= MAGAs] get control, it will read "all men are created equal, except negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics." When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty – to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocrisy.As usual, Abe Lincoln hits the nail on the head. It's not the fact that British colonial officials were a pack of thieves which is surprising, it's the degree of hypocrisy with which they attempted to disguise their depredations.
All conquerors are light-fingered by nature. I think we can take that as read. How else are you supposed to demonstrate how victorious you've been except with a pile of swag? The whole concept of the Roman Triumph is based around it. The idea of the "spoils of war" has even been carefully legislated in international law.
But just think for a moment how many indignant denunciations you've read of Napoleon's art thefts in Italy and Germany, and how blatantly they served to swell the holdings of the Louvre.
And then there are those wicked Nazis. There's a whole movie about Goering and the other "collectors" in the Third Reich who did their best to get down on the best of Europe's paintings and sculptures. How vulgar of them! How nouveau riche ...
The contrast with the thieving British colonial proconsuls and administrators, who had to arrange things to make it seem as if they'd somehow stumbled on the valuable artefacts they accumulated with such assiduity, is quite telling. Take, for instance, the notorious remark made by the founder of British India, Robert Clive, about his own restraint after defeating the Nawab of Bengal and his French allies in 1757:
Consider the situation in which the victory at Plassey had placed me. A great prince was dependent on my pleasure; an opulent city lay at my mercy, its richest bankers bid against each other for my smiles; I walked through vaults which were thrown open to me alone, piled on either hand with gold and jewels! Mr. Chairman, at this moment I stand astonished at my own moderation!Rather than being chided for what he took, he expected to be congratulated for what he didn't take (not a lot, by all accounts).
No wonder Charles Dickens was inspired to create the character Pecksniff to satirise this curious trait in the British character, in possibly the most scathing - and, interestingly, worst-selling - of all his novels, Martin Chuzzlewit (1844).
Steal by all means, but don't pretend you're doing anything but that. The principle was perhaps best summed up in the words of another great British hypocrite, David Cameron (or, if you prefer, Baron Cameron of Chipping Norton - though he's probably better known as the unwitting architect of Brexit), when he was asked to return the Koh-i-noor to India:
During a 2010 visit to India, the British prime minister, David Cameron, told local media that the diamond would stay in Britain. “If you say yes to one [request], you suddenly find the British Museum would be empty,” Cameron said. “I’m afraid it’s going to have to stay put.”The circular nature of this reasoning appears to have eluded him.
In any case, here are the various episodes of this thought-provoking series available to us so far:
The British Empire stole a lot of stuff. Those objects are housed in museums and galleries across the world. We peel back the true histories behind those objects - and meet those who want them back.
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Series 1 (2022):
- Jewel of Denial
At the heart of the Crown Jewels is the tragedy of a 10-year-old Sikh boy ripped from his mother and kingdom.
- Stoned
Underneath the late Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation throne was a sacred stone that was stolen from Scottish kings. One Christmas night, a group of Glasgow students decided to steal it back.
- Chipped
Scattered across Australia are fragments of a mysterious ancient mosaic found in Palestine. Putting the pieces together, reveals how the British Empire shaped the modern Middle East.
- Shadow Boxer
In the wake of an epic rebellion by Chinese martial artists against foreign military forces a golden warrior statue is looted by British colonial forces. But how on earth did it end up in Australia?
- The Crow Flies
Sign a deal with Queen Victoria or face disease and devastation? That was a choice facing one of Canada’s proudest leaders. But did the British forces then literally steal the shirt from his back?
- The Return
In an unmarked grave in Liverpool lies the mystery of one of Western Australia’s greatest resistance fighters. This is the story of a courageous and inventive team that found a way to bring him home.
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Series 2 (2024):
- Australia's Mummy?
Marc Fennell travels to the Pyramids of Giza, down the Nile and to the very heart of the British Empire to uncover the truth of how the ancient Egyptian mummified remains of a child ended up in Australia's oldest university.
- Parthenon Sculptures
Stephen Fry joins Marc Fennell on a gripping adventure, from the pinnacle of the Acropolis to a secluded robotics lab high in the Tuscan mountains, to a shipwreck under the Aegean Sea.
- Operation Legacy
From the bustling streets of Nairobi to a secluded royal retreat in the Kenyan mountains, Marc Fennell is on the hunt for secret documents that reveal a brutal history of war and a crumbling empire.
- World's Largest Diamond
Marc Fennell delves into South Africa's first diamond mine and the opulent realms of London to uncover the intriguing tale of how the largest gem-quality diamond ultimately reached the hands of the British royal family.
- The Mystery Sphinx
For years, visitors to the British Museum have been puzzled by an exhibit: a sphinx that looks almost identical to those from Egypt. Marc Fennell discovers the wild story of theft and the secrets of a breathtaking island.
- Irish Giant
Marc Fennell unpicks the twisting history of Charles Byrne, the Irish Giant. It is a story of betrayal, exploitation, and the brutal reality of the medical industry.
- Great Rubber Heist
Rubber is everywhere now, but it wasn't always this way. Marc Fennell explores the Amazon jungle to help unravel an elaborate botanical heist that changed the world.
- The Girl & The Doll
In 2022, a tattered black doll was sent from Britain to the First Nations people of Lutruwita (Tasmania), carrying with it a devastating story of a stolen child. Marc Fennell unravels a story of heartbreak and injustice.
Before the TV series, Stuff the British Stole started as a podcast in 2020. A very few - Tipu's Tiger, the Elgin Marbles - of the recordings listed below overlap with the TV documentaries, but not many. I suppose it goes to show how many such stolen objects there are to choose from!
Throughout its reign, the British Empire stole a lot of stuff. Today those objects are housed in genteel institutions across the UK and the world. They usually come with polite plaques. This is a series about the not-so-polite history behind those objects.
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Series 1 (2020):
- 22/11/2020: A Tiger and a Scream
How a toy tiger became the symbol of a struggle between India and its former British colonisers.
- 29/11/2020: Blood Art
What if your doorstop was evidence of brutal mass murder and wholesale theft?
- 6/12/2020: Best.Named.Dog.Ever
Don’t let their fluffy hair and judging eyes fool you, Pekingese dogs are hiding a secret. Their history encompasses torture, hubris, war, and some very long sleeves. Most importantly these dogs — well, one in particular — may hold the key to understanding the sometimes vexed relationship China has with the West.
- 13/12/2020: The Headhunters
The arrival of Europeans in NZ kicked off a trade in Mokomokai — tattooed heads but these colonial souvenirs have their own complex history.
- 20/12/2020: Shots Fired
The Gweagal shield is just one of the things James Cook and his shipmates took from the local people when they landed in Botany Bay. Why has it become the most contentious?
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Have you ever wandered around a museum and thought “How on Earth did all of this stuff get here?” You’re not alone.
Throughout its reign, the British Empire stole a lot of stuff. Today those objects are housed in genteel institutions across the UK and the world. They usually come with polite plaques.
This podcast tells the stories about the not-so-polite history behind those looted objects.
In Season Two, Walkley award-winning host Marc Fennell will take you to a temple, a tree, a lab, a paradise island, a crime scene and a stage. You’ll uncover abductions, scandals and a murder investigation.
Season two of Stuff the British Stole is co-produced with CBC Podcasts.
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Series 2 (2021):
- 20/10/2021: The Abductions
A war. A ransom. And a stunning recovery mission.
Five elaborately carved panels were buried in a New Zealand swamp to protect it from a war.
Then 150 years later, they’re acquired by a British collector before being sold to a Swiss-Bolivian collector in Geneva.
And their long journey home began when a kidnap ransom payment had to be made.
This is the remarkable story of the Motunui Epa. - 27/10/2021: Losing Your Marbles
They’ve seen wars, the bottom of the ocean and even - bizarrely - been part of a boxing match.
The story of how the Parthenon Marbles actually ended up in London’s British Museum is a wild tale featuring bribes, court cases and some extremely dodgy deals.
There’s been a centuries-long campaign to get them back to their homeland. Now, a team of Greek-Australians have decided that the time for diplomacy is over and a new tactic is required. - 3/11/2021: Cup Runneth
In County Cork, Ireland, there’s a tree that locals call the Chalice Tree. Local lore says it’s where British Redcoats disrupted a secret Catholic mass, killed two priests and took a sacred chalice.
Now that chalice sits in London’s Victoria & Albert Museum.
But what happened in the intervening 200 years is now being pieced together by two Irish families: the O’Keeffes and the McAulliffe’s. - 10/11/2021: Not Your Venus
Sarah 'Saartjie' Baartman was taken to the UK by a British doctor. But did she know what she was signing up for?
Stage-named 'The Hottentot Venus', Sarah was paraded around freak shows in London and Paris.
During her life and even after her death, she was objectified, mistreated and abused.
More than 200 years after her death, her life story reveals confronting truths about the treatment of black female bodies and how much has, and hasn’t, changed. - 17/11/2021: Strange Fowle
It’s become a symbol for extinction; the dodo is a semi-mythical creature which most of us know only through Alice in Wonderland.
But one particular dodo was the victim of a crime – murder.
Its skull now sits in the Oxford University Museum of Natural History. And it holds the clues to a thrilling mystery which illustrates a little-known colonial legacy.
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Throughout its reign, the British Empire stole a lot of stuff. Today the Empire's loot sits in museums, galleries, private collections and burial sites with polite plaques. But its history is often messier than the plaques suggest.
In each episode of this global smash hit podcast, Walkley award-winning journalist, author and genetic potluck, Marc Fennell, takes you on the wild, evocative, sometimes funny, often tragic adventure of how these stolen treasures got to where they live today. These objects will ultimately help us see the modern world — and ourselves — in a different light.
This is a co-production of the ABC and CBC Podcasts.
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Series 3 (2023):
- 28/06/2023: The Head in the Library
In an old country town high school library there is a glass case that displays something highly unusual and, for some, confronting.
Inside that glass case is a mummified head and according to its plaque, it was donated to Grafton High School in 1915.
Now, over 100 years later, questions are being raised about where it really came from and whether it really belongs there. - 5/07/2023: Bottles in the Basement
Deep in the cellars of one of England’s grandest country homes, covered in dirt and cobwebs, lay dozens of bottles of ancient rum.
Their discovery set off a frenzy among collectors vying to own the oldest rum in the world.
But where did they come from and who produced them? Sealed inside was the story of an enslaved people in one of the first overseas colonies of the British Empire - Barbados. - 12/07/2023: The Unfinished Prince
There's a body buried in the grounds of Windsor Castle whose real home is thousands of miles away. Since 2007, there have been calls for Prince Alamayu’s remains to be returned to Ethiopia.
But how exactly did this young royal end up alone in England, and buried at Windsor Castle? To answer that we have to go back to 1868 to hear the message the British wanted to send that still reverberates to this day.
If this episode has raised any issues for you, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. - 19/07/2023: Zero Marks The Spot
It’s round. It has a hole in it. It symbolises nothing and yet it is the possibility of something... meet zero.
The zero we know and love today is the foundation of our modern world. And we have India to thank for it; in particular one special Indian birch bark book — the Bakhshali manuscript.
This is the story of how these fragile pages travelled to Oxford University and what their future looks like. - 26/7/2023: The Fever Tree Hunt
Most heists target gold, jewels or cash. This one targeted illegal seeds.
As the British established their sprawling empire across the subcontinent and beyond, they encountered a formidable adversary — malaria.
There was a cure — the bark of the Andean cinchona tree. The only problem? The Dutch and the French were also looking to corner the market in cinchona. And the trees themselves were under threat.
Grab a gin and tonic and come with us to hear how a botanical empire took off — and gave birth to a quintessential cocktail. - 2/8/2023: The Girl Called Pocahontas
How do you uncover the true life of a woman whose existence is wrapped in myth, propaganda and a famous animated children’s movie?
This is the true story of Matoaka - a young Powhatan girl who you probably know as Pocahontas. This is the mystery of a child, a hidden history and a stolen story.
Audio courtesy of Missing Matoaka.
