Monday, June 15, 2009

New Zealand’s Next Top Model Speaks

New Zealand's Next Top Model
(March 13-June 5, 2009)

I’m trying to be flirty with the camera
& relax my eyes
What these other girls don’t realise is
I’m the tallest one here
can learn to show emotion
Can they grow taller?
I don’t think so

Hosanna is a genius
We all laughed at her
when she started practising
12 hours a day
looking in the mirror
I’m going to do the same

I’ve got a good body
I’m not going home
I’ve got a future in this industry
Those other girls are bitches
5 of them said that I was going home
They’re going home, not me
I’m here to stay

Hosanna is an idiot
I’m going to New York
I’m going to be a star
If they tell me to eat myself
I’ll do it
I’ve dieted before
Nobody’s getting any sleep

until we’ve cleared this up

[Teryl-Leigh: Surprise]

Yeah, okay, I admit it. I watched it too. We'd taken a solemn vow not to, Bronwyn and I, but when we turned it on "for a look" it turned out to be just too fascinating to ignore.

It's not something I'm proud of, mind you.

And as for the poem, that just happened. Type-casting, you might say. After all, I have already written a poem called "Zen and the Art of America's Next Top Model" which you can check out on the nzepc if you like. I promise to try very hard not to do it again.

Anyway, that's my excuse - what's yours?


Giovanni Tiso said...

Because it was on your blog and I like your blog. I suggest you don't get cocky though.

Dr Jack Ross said...

Fair enough. I guess I was just trying to head off possible critics of NZNTM and its fan-base at the pass - but anticipating trouble tends to be a good way of provoking it, I guess ...

by kd said...

You channel an ambitious catwalker disturbingly well...very funny poem. My excuse is that I love [country here]'s Next Top Model and if we could afford cable I'd watch it incessantly (though JD would flee).

Heidi Klum hamming it up

Tim Jones said...

In poetry, one day you're in, the next day you're out. Which is why I think we ought to adapt the reality show format (Project Runway rather than NZNTM, in my opinion) to poetry:

I see the Michael Kors role fitting you to a tee, Jack.

Dr Jack Ross said...

Hmmm. An interesting notion. I'm relieved that you've cast me as Michael Kors rather than Nina Garcia, at any rate. I am an unrepentant addict of that show, which just keeps on getting better as far as I'm concerned, so I guess I do see the logic of going for a Project Poetry rather than a NZ's Next Top Poet ...

How do you see yourself in this equation? As Tim Gunn? Go on, you know you want to ...

Tim Jones said...

Hmmmm (looks concerned, but in a patrician way) ... Make it work!

(You're right, though - "Project Poetry" sounds much, much better than "Poetry Runway")

Giovanni Tiso said...

I'd go for "Project Poetry Runway".